All the things my mother taught me:My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -„If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!“My mother taught me RELIGION -„You better pray that will come out of the carpet.“My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!“My mother taught me LOGIC:“Because I said so, that’s why.“My mother taught me FORESIGHT -„Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.“My mother taught me IRONY -„Keep laughing and I’ll *give* you something to cry out.“My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -„Shut your mouth and eat your supper!“My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -„Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!“My mother taught me about STAMINA -„You’ll sit there ‚til all that spinach is finished.“My mother taught me about WEATHER -„It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.“My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -„If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?“My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -„If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – don’t exaggerate!!!“My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -„I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.“My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -Stop acting like your father!“My mother taught me about ENVY -„There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!“
