Southwest Airlines makes humor a high
priority. Here are some
actual humorous statements by airline flight
crews:
„Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the sun is
shining,
and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where
it`s
dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there
I
can`t imagine.“
„As we prepare for takeoff, please make
sure your tray tables and
seat backs are fully upright in their most
uncomfortable position.“
„Your seat cushions can be used for
floatation, and in the event of
an emergency water landing, please
take them with our compliments.“
„We do feature a smoking section
on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight
crew and we will escort you to a seat
outside on the wing of the
airplane.“
„Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person
caught smoking
in the lavatories will be asked to leave the p
lane immediately.“
„There may be 50 ways to leave your lover,
but there are only 4
ways out of this airplane…“
„If you
are so lucky to be traveling with small children…“
Flight
attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into
the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt,
and
if you don`t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn`t be out
in
public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of
cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a
small child traveling with you, secure
your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now
which one you love more.“
„Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over
your own mouth and nose before
assisting children or adults ac
ting like children.“
Pilot: „We are pleased to have some of
the best flight attendants
in the industry…Unfortunately none of
them are on this flight…!
Pilot: „Folks, we have reached our
cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign
off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the
plane till we land… it`s a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on
the wings it affects the flight pattern.“
At the end of a flight:
„Our flight attendants are now walking
through the aisles with
trash receptacles for any garbage you might
have
or anything else
that you might wanna give us!“
As the plane landed and was coming to
a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice comes over the
loudspeaker:
„Whoa, big fella…WHOA..!“
„As you exit the plane,
please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left
behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Pl
ease do not leave children or spouses.“
„Last one off the
plane must clean it.“
