THE MAN’S POINTS SYSTEMFor all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here itis:In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the womanhappy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something shedislikes & points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doingsomething she expects…Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.Here is a guide to the point system:SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed…+1 You make the bed, but forget to add thedecorative pillows…0 You throw the bedspread over rumpledsheets…-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings…+5 But return with beer …-5 You check out asuspicious noise at night …0 You check out a suspicious noise andit’s nothing…0 You check out a suspicious noise and it’ssomething….+5 You pummel it with a six iron….+10 It’s herfather…-10 You leave the toilet seat up…-5 You replace thetoilet-paper roll when it’s empty…0 When the toilet-paper roll isbarren, you resort to Kleenex…-1 When the Kleenex runs out youshuffle slowly to the next bathroom…-2SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party…0 Youstay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a collegedrinking buddy…-2 Named Tiffany…-4 Tiffany is a dancer…-6Tiffany has implants…-8HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner…0 You take her out todinner and it’s not a sports bar…+1 Okay, it is a sports bar…-2And it’s all-you-can-eat night…-3 It’s a sports bar, it’sall-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of yourfavorite team…-10THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely…-20 You forgetyour anniversary…-30 You forget to pick her up at the busstation…-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey…-50 And the pouringrain dissolves her leg cast…-60A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go out with a pal …-5 And the pal ishappily married …-4 Or frighteningly single …-7 And he drives aMustang…-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) …-15You have a few beers…-9 And miss curfew by an hour…-12 You misscurfew by an hour and you didn’t call…-20 You get home at 3am…-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars…-40 And not wearing any pants…-50 Is that a tattoo??…-200HER NIGHT OUT You stay home while she goes out with her annoyingfriend from work…+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends,and she comes home real late…+10 You wait up…+15 She goes out,comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed…+20A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie…+2 You take her to a movie shelikes…+4 You take her to a movie you hate…+6 You take her to amovie you like…-2 It’s called DeathCop3…-3 Which features cyborgs having sex…-9 You lied and said itwas a foreign film about orphans…-15FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it’s expected…0 You buy herflowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it…+20 You give herwildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself…+30 And she contractsLyme disease…-25YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly…-15 You develop anoticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it…+10 You developa noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiianshirts…-30 You say „I don’t give a damn because you have onetoo“….-800FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical…+5Something she can’t use…+10 Such as a motorized modelairplane…-20 And you buy her a clock radio for her birthday…-40DRIVING You let her tell you how to drive…+20 You let her mothertell you how to drive…+40 You lost the directions on a trip…-4You lost the directions and end up getting lost…-10 You end upgetting lost because you followed her directions …+10 You end upgetting lost in a bad part of town …-15 You get lost in a bad partof town and meet the locals up close and personal…-25 You knowthem…-60THE BIG QUESTION She asks, „Do I look fat?“…-5 (Sensitivequestions always start with a deficit) You hesitate inresponding…-10 You reply, „Where?“…-35COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,displaying what looks like a concerned expression…0 When she wantsto talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes….+5 You listen for morethan 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10 She realizes this isbecause you’ve fallen asleep…-20
