|On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.ME: „Hi, I’d like one seven layer burrito please, to go.“IT: „Is that it?“ME: „Yep.“IT: „That’ll be $1.04, eat here?“ME: „No, it’s *to* *go*.“ [I hate effort duplication.]At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and saysIT: „Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.“He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.IT: „Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?“MG: „No. A what?“IT: „A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.“MG: „Ask for something else, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL.“IT: „Yeah, thought so.“He comes back to me and saysIT: „We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?“ME: „Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?“IT: „I don’t know.“ME: „See here where it says legal tender?“IT: „Yeah.“ME: „So, shouldn’t you take it?“IT: „Well, hang on a sec.“He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I’m going to shoplift, and . . .IT: „He says I have to take it.“MG: „Doesn’t he have anything else?“IT: „Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change.“MG: „I’M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE.“IT: „What should I do?“MG: „Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money.“IT: „I can’t tell him that, you tell him.“MG: „Just tell him.“IT: „No way, this is weird, I’m going in back.“The manager approaches me and saysMG: „Sorry, we don’t take big bills this time of night.“[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoormall with 100 other stores.]ME: „Well, here’s a two.“MG: „We don’t take *those* either.“ME: „Why the hell not?“MG: „I think you *know* why.“ME: „No really, tell me, why?“MG: „Please leave before I call mall security.“ME: „Excuse me?“MG: „Please leave before I call mall security.“ME: „What the hell for?“MG: „Please, sir.“ME: „Uh, go ahead, call them.“MG: „Would you please just leave?“ME: „No.“MG: „Fine, have it your way then.“ME: „No, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?“At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]SG: „Yeah, Mike, what’s up?“MG: „This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money.“SG: „Really? What?“MG: „Get this, a *two* dollar bill.“SG: „Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?“ [incredulous]MG: „I don’t know? He’s kinda weird. Says the only other thing he hasis a fifty.“SG: „So, the fifty’s fake?“MG: „NO, the $2 is.“SG: „Why would he fake a $2 bill?“MG: „I don’t know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?“SG: „Yeah…“Security guard walks over to me and says . . .SG: „Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.“ME: „Uh, no.“SG: „Lemme see ‚em.“ME: „Why?“SG: „Do you want me to get the cops in here?“At this point I was ready to say, „SURE, PLEASE,“ but I wanted to eat, so I saidME: „I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill.“I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:SG: „Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?“MG: „It’s fake.“SG: „It doesn’t look fake to me.“MG: „But it’s a **$2** bill.“SG: „Yeah?“MG: „Well, there’s no such thing, is there?“The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
