I’M GLAD I’M A WOMANI’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don’t live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections. I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don’t get wasted at parties, and act like a clown. And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt. My belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don’t go around „re-adjusting“ my crotch, or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind. I’m a woman you see-I’m just not that kind! I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing. I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back. When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack. And what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb. I’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. I’m a woman, you know-I’ve got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me, to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball. I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won’t tell you my wife just does not understand, Or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep, Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! Yes, I’m so very glad I’m a woman, you see. Forget all about that old penis envy. I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for a chick. Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful, it’s true. I’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!
