For all of you with teenagers or who have had
teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have
a lot
in common with cats:
– Neither teenagers nor cats
turn their heads when you call them by
name.
– No matter what
you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane
efforts are
barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting
on them
hand and foot.
– You rarely see a cat walking outside of the
house with an adult human
being, and it can be safely said that no
teenager in his or her right
mind wants to be seen in public with his
or her parents.
– Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno,
neither your cat nor your
teen will ever crack a smile.
– No
cat or teenager shares you taste in music.
– Cats and teenagers
can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end
without moving,
barely breathing.
– Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o
n as if they did.
– Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same
manner, communicating
that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of
complete and utter boredom.
– Cats and teenagers do not improve
anyone’s furniture.
– Cats that are free to roam outside
sometimes have been known to
return in the middle of the night to deposit
a dead animal in your bedroom.
Teenagers are not above that sort of
behavior.
Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources
of advice are not
other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a
good idea to keep a
guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And
remember, above all else, put
out the food and do not make any sudden
moves in their direction. When
they make up their minds, they will
finally come to you for some
affection and comfort, and it will be a
triumphant moment for all
concerned.
