As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool.And now, for this year’s illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll… JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the planwas for John–100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist hisfriend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop onthe other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himselfcrashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branchwhich snagged him by his shorts.Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw agroup of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, Johnremoved his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to freehimself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Hollybushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being withouthis shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocketknife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his leftthigh.Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw hima rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, hedecided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickuptruck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state,Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashedthrough the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown fromthe truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the scene.Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet fromthe vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerousscratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair ofshorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.
