These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it’s ‚just‘ a suggestion!) On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let’s experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn’t that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm…something must have gotten lost in the translation…) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I’m curious.) On Sainsbury’s peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one…) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you’ve tried this..) On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That’s right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
