In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. – Elizabeth AshleyMany a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. – Jim BackusNo man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. – Honore de BalzacHoneymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. – Ray BandyMarriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. – BaskinsI feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor’s sixth husband. I know what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t know how to make it interesting. – Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame InductionsLove: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. – Ambrose BierceThe world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. – Ambrose BierceI recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David BissonetteAh Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – BorgeIn the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kate’s allurements smitten, I lov’d her late, I lov’d her soon, And call’d her dearest kitten.But now my kitten’s grown a cat, And cross like other wives. O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives. – James Boswell „Life of Johnson“A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. – BoudelaireFor a male and female to live continuously together is…biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. – Robert BriffaultMy mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. – Lenny BruceNever tell. Not if you love your wife… In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she’ll believe it: „I’m tellin‘ ya.“ This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck ‚Lay on Top of Me Or I’ll Die.‘ I didn’t know what I was gonna do…“ – Lenny BruceInsurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. – Al BundyNothing says lovin‘ like marrying your cousin! – Al BundyOnce a boy becomes a man, he’s a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. – Al BundyI hate work. That’s why I got married. – Peg BundyI just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with. – Peg BundyThe only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein‘ big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong. – Archie BunkerIn matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. – ButlerIf you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry. – ChekhovMarriage is an adventure, like going to war. – G. K. ChestertonAn archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. – Agatha ChristieThe most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – S. T. Coleridge
