A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. – Sacha GuitryWhen a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. – Sacha GuitryAn ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren’t. – Sacha GuitryThe marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. – Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. – Katherine HepburnSometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. – Katherine HepburnBigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. – Oliver HerfordWedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. – John HeywoodLove is only the game that is not called on account of darkness. – M. HirschfieldLove is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important. – Lisa HoffmanIt is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off! – Douglas Jerold, 1858Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house. – Jean KerrI don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. – Sam KinisonA coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. – Marvin KitmanMarriage is a lottery, but you can’t tear up your ticket if you lose. – F. M. KnowlesHarpo, she’s a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. – Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo’s fianceeI have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me. – Abraham Lincoln in a letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning, April 1, 1838Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. – Rich LittleMarriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. – John LylyFor the memory of love is sweet, though the love itself were in vain. And what I have lost of pleasure, assuage what I find of pain. – LysterThe best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it. – Shirley MacLaineIn a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating, stealing, getting rich, and whipping servants. But you have to shoot him in the end. – Herman MankiewiczI belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. – Dick Martin
