Pest-by-Modem Here’s how to be a pest-by-modem:*Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations likeIMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to showthat they’re „hep“ to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand foranything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse toexplain what they stand for („You don’t know? RTFM“).*WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SOTHAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ALSOUSE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUTBEING HERE!!!!!!!*When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling andpoint out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content oftheir messages. When they respond testily to your ‚creative criticism,“do it again. Continue until they go away.*Software and files offered on-line are often „compressed“ so that itwon’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compressionprogram and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mailresponses like „Thanks.“*Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give themnames like „SexyHouseWives,“ then see how many people download them.Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on. Takebets and calculate odds on the results of each upload’s popularity.*cc: all your E-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so thathe can keep track of what’s happening on the information SuperhighwayInternet.*Join a discussion group, and tie whatever’s being discussed back to anunrelated central theme of your own. For instance, if you’re in adiscussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observationthat those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an importantrole. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased aspeople write you threatening messages and instruct all other members toignore you.
