Real classified ads 03

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world. WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN — FROST FREE! FROZEN SOFT + GENTLE BATH TISSUE – 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS AMERICAN FLAG – 60 STARS – POLE INCLUDED – $100 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 – $9 PER HOUR. NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD. THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE ’50s: INCLUDING „16 TONS“ BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS + BOX SPRING – $175. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB – AND IT’S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER + DRYER – $300. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG…LOOKS LIKE A RAT…BEEN OUT AWHILE… BETTER BE A REWARD.