You don’t recall that line from It’s A Wonderful Life saying, „Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!“ Your kid makes a fortune trading in „Elmo futures.“ Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary „4th wise man“ in new nativity scenes. The impossible-to-get „Tickle Me Jesus“ Santa’s Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year’s Indy 500. Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet. WWF presents „Oh, Holy Night“ Cage Match pitting The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy! Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder. Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks. Santa’s North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler. Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, „On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy.“ $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness’s pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter’s. The Baby GAP’s line of Swaddling Clothes(TM) Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase „Ho, Ho, Ho“ — an injunction limits Santa to „a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables.“ Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman’s hair.
