True Lawyer Statements

Amazing and true lawyer statements. Lawyers typically aren?t funny ? unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide…1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?2) Now, doctor, isn?t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn?t know anything about it until the next morning?3) Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, ?I have to kill you because you can identify me.? Q: Did he kill you?4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?6) Were you alone or by yourself.7) How long have you been a French Canadian?8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. A: That?s me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I?ll be three months on November8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?14) So you were gone until you returned?15) Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls?16) You don?t know what it was, and you didn?t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet.19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, ?Your Honor, I?d like to strike the next question.?20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so? A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!