A small balding man storms
into a local bar and demands, „Gimme a double of the strongest
whiskey
you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.“ The
bartender,
noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours
him a double
of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and
says, „Gimme
another one.“ The bartender pours the drink, but says,
„Now, before I
give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam
and tell me why
you’re so upset?“
So, the man begins his
tale. „Well, I was sitting in the bar next
door, when this gorgeous
blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at
the bar. I thought,
„Wow, this has never happened before.“ You know, it
was kind of a
fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the
blonde leans
over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to
have dinner
and talk for a while. I couldn’t believe this was happening,
r
and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my
head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar.
This
seemed just too good to be true.“
He continued, „She
took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up
to her room. She
said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be
ready to go down
to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I
put my feet
up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and
someone
starts fumbling with the door.“
„The blonde says, ‚Oh my god,
it’s my boyfriend. He must have lost
his wrestling match tonight,
he’s gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!'“
„So, I opened the closet,
but I figured that was probably the first
place he would look, so I
didn’t hide there. Then I looked under the
bed, but no, I figured
he’s bound to look there, too. By now, I could
hear the key in the
lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out
and wa
s hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn’t see
me.“
The bartender says „Well I can see how you might be a bit
frustrated
at this point.“
„Well, yeah, but I hear the guy
finally get the door open and he yells
out, ‚Who you been with now,
you witch?‘ The girl says, ‚Nobody,
honey, now calm
down.'“
Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door
off
the closet and throw it across the room. I’m thinking, ‚Boy,
I’m
glad I didn’t hide in there.‘ Then I hear him lift up the bed
and throw
it across the room. Good thing I didn’t hide under there
either. Then
I heard him say, ‚What’s that over there by the
window?‘ I think,
‚Oh God, I’m dead meat now.‘
But, the
blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince
him to
stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I
hear
water running for a long time; I figure maybe he’s gonna take a
bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher
of
scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head. I
mean, look
at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and
shoulders!“
The bartender says, „Oh man, that would have gotten
me mad for sure.“
„No, that didn’t really bother me. Next, the guy
starts slamming the
window shut over and over on my hands. I mean,
look at my fingers.
They’re a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto
this glass.“
The bartender looks at the guy’s hands and says,
„Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so upset.“
„No,
that wasn’t what really got me so angry though.“
The bartender
then asks in exasperation, „Well, then, what did finally
make you
anger?“
„Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and
looked
down–I was only about six inches off the ground.“
