Be Politically Correct With Women

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED – She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS – She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING – She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not COLD or FRIGID – She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.