Computer Dictionary Part I

BIT – A word used to describe computers, as in „Our daughter’s computer cost quite a bit.“BOOT – What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill. BUG – What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.CHIPS – The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.COPY – What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying. CURSOR – What you turn into when you can’t get your computer to perform, as in „You %@& computer!“DISK – What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.DUMP – The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.ERROR – What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom „just to look.“ EXPANSION UNIT – The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.FILE – What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day’s work in 30 minutes.FLOPPY – The condition of a constant computer user’s stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see „CHIPS“).HARDWARE – Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven’t laid a finger on since getting your computer.IBM – The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you’ll pay attention to them again. MENU – What you’ll never see again after buying a computer because you’ll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.PROGRAMS – Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.RETURN – What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.TAB – What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch because you spent all your money on new software.TERMINAL – A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.WINDOW – What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.

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