Definitions of Children

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.VERBAL: Able to whine in words.WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.