Some actual product warning labels:On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink – AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)On a New Zealand insect spray – THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.In a US guide to setting up a new computer – TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Makes sense…except these instructions we’re IN THE BOX!)In some countries (like W. Virginia:), on the bottom of Coke bottles – OPEN OTHER END.On a Sears hairdryer – DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. ( Now THAT I’d like to see! )On a bag of Fritos – YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)On a bar of Dial soap – DIRECTIONS – USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box) * DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (oops…Too late! You lose!)On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)On a Korean kitchen knife – WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights – FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to what…use in outer space?)On an American Airlines packet of nuts – INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I’m sure glad they cleared that up.)On a Swedish chainsaw – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)On a child’s superman costume – WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
